Q: How are you?
A: I’m fine. Thanks for asking.
Q: Did you feed the dogs this morning?
A: Yes. Daisy ate but Moses didn’t.
Q: Did you pay the cable bill?
A: Yes. Through the bank’s web site though, so it was probably late.
Q: Did you have a good weekend?
A: Yes, but it was too short. Or too hot. Filled with things to do or naps.
Q: How old is this car? Is that a tape deck?
A: Currently – 31. It’s a 1983 BMW 533i. And yes, that’s a tape deck.
Q: Would you like fries with that?
A: Yes. Medium, please.
Q: Anything to eat with your coffee today?
A: No, thanks. Just the coffee.
Q: Did you mean to wear that shirt with those pants?
A: Yes. I mean, maybe. They don’t match, do they?
Q: Are all the cats clear? The dogs need to come in.
A: Yes, I counted twice.
Q: You have how many cats?
Q: Did the cats’ trays get cleaned today?
Q: Have you done your weekly report yet?
Q: Is there any coffee left?
A: Probably not.
Q: Did you eat lunch yet?
A: No. Or yes.
Q: Did you carpool today?
A: No. Or yes.
Q: Are we out of bread?
A: No. There’s a loaf in the freezer.
Q: What does Relatively Average mean? Don’they cancel eachother out?
A: Probably. I’ve been told on several occasions, by multiple people, that it doesn’t mean anything. Really, all I wanted to say with “relatively average” is that when you get down to it…we’re all the same; everything evens out in the end. Relatively Average is just my personal blog.
Q: What do you do?
A: I am employed as a full-time web designer for a large utility company, and freelance on the side.
Q: You really weld? Like weld weld? What do you weld?
A: Yes. Because it’s fun. I’ve made all kinds of sculptures, a windmill thing, a shelf for the bathroom, some stands for our fishing poles, lots of things.
Q: Did you get that email I sent you?
Q: Did you and your wife date in high school?
A: No. We knew eachother, and walked together at graduation, but that was it. We didn’t date until I had come home from college.
Q: Have you ever been to Europe?
A: No. My wife has, though.
Q: You drink hot coffee during the summer? Why?
A: Yes. Because I like the taste of coffee.
Q: When was the last time you got high?
Q: Why do you drive such an old car?
A: Because I like to tinker with it myself. When something breaks, I can generally identify the problem and usually fix it myself. I spend all day at a computer, I don’t want to drive one.
Q: Is your birthday really New Year’s Eve?
Q: Don’t your dogs destroy your stuff?
A: Generally, yes. I think all three are out of their destructive-to-be-destructive stages though.
Q: Do you have any cash?
A: Not on me. Sorry.
Q: Paper or plastic?
A: Plastic. I use it to clean up the dog poop in the back yard.
Q: You work out, right?
Q: You ran a marathon? Do you still run?
A: Yes – in 2005. I haven’t run since I crossed the finish line except to try to catch a bus.
Q: Your wife is a vegan, right? So you are…?
A: Married to a vegan.
Q: Why didn’t you call me back?
A: I didn’t have a chance. Or some other lie.
Q: Do you want to leave early tonight?
A: Yes. Just text me when you’re out front.
Q: Room for cream?
A: Yes. Just a little.